OWOE Editor: At this time of year OWOE likes to share with its readers some of the interesting and often offbeat energy stories that haven’t gotten much media attention over the past year. Unfortunately, this year one of our main contributors, a troublesome Canadian, who often blogged on controversial energy topics, was warned that he was on a list of possible foreign provocateurs to be rounded up and sent to El Salvador. He has since disappeared and was last seen diving in the Baltic in the vicinity of various undersea infrastructure. Therefore, we are only able to bring you one story this year…
Human Biodiesel
The Center for Sustainable Oil (CFSO) in Lincoln, Nebraska, recently announced a new product they are calling Human Biodiesel. The head of their research laboratory, Dr. C. Heston says that he got the idea after watching the classic movie Soylent Green. His lab has perfected the science of extracting subcutaneous and visceral fat from deceased humans. The process is to extract as much pure fat as possible using a liposuction technique. Then the rest of the body is then boiled, causing the remaining fat to rise to the surface where it is collected.
Dr. Heston noted that the average American weighs 185 lbs and is approximately 35% body fat. With 1 lb of fat equating to about 1 lb of oil, the average American can provide nearly 65 lbs of oil, which equates to approximately 8.5 gallons of clean, non-polluting biofuel. “Of course, there are some inefficiencies,” he explained, “so we only assume 7 gallons per person. With about 3 million deaths per year in the United States, we could be talking about as much as 21 million gallons of fuel every year.”
“We’ve teamed up with mortuaries, morgues, prisons – everywhere where they have dead bodies to dispose of. Plus, we utilize social media to encourage donations with the hashtag: #moreoillessevs. We struggled at first to get government support, but then registered as an oil company, joined the American Petroleum Institute, started to donate to the Republican Party, and began baselessly disparaging green energy on social media. Now the administration loves us and has made this product possible.”
When asked what happens with the rest of the bodies after the fat is removed, he responded that most of what remains is dried and makes good fertilizer. “At first, we struggled with how to dispose of the bones, then realized they made good filler for wind turbine blades after being ground up. We use essentially 100% of our feedstock.”